Years ago, I reviewed a book (excellent, BTW) by the late Clara Park, about her autistic daughter Jessy (Exiting Nirvana), and one of the most powerful take-aways for me was the idea that most of the wonderful people that work with sons and daughters like ours come and go. It’s the reality of life for our children as they grow up. At the time, Ben was only 7 and it was a bit of a revelation — and as life has moved along, we now know it is absolutely true.
I was stunned to learn this morning that one of those wonderful people just died, suddenly, at 57. Nick Coyne was the founder of Horsefeathers Therapeutic Riding Equestrian Center. He worked with Ben, and Ben loved his therapeutic horseback riding sessions. Nick was a skilled and gentle, genial wizard when it came to interacting with Ben, severe autism and all.
But Nick was attuned to more than Ben. Twin brother Jake, as is true for many siblings to autism, often was dragged along to therapy waiting rooms to occupy himself as best he could. In this case, it was all for the good.
Nick and Jake hit it off (hard to imagine Nick not hitting it off with anybody, such was his warmly gregarious personality), taking Jake under his wing, nurturing Jake’s natural love for horses, becoming his instructor, and turning him into a skilled rider and horseman.
And as he grew, Jake came to view Nick as a mentor, a guy he could discuss any and all subjects with, there for him when he needed some support. For his Bar Mitzvah project, Jake helped Nick build a stable. When he got older, he volunteered at Horsefeathers, assisting with therapeutic riding sessions, and helping out around the stables. Nick became an enthusiastic reference for Jake’s college applications.
The newspaper piece is accurate, not “The guy’s dead so let’s think of nice stuff to say” type of thing. No hyperbole necessary here, just the truth.
Nick entered our lives because of Ben and autism. He became an important presence for both Ben and Jake. He was someone who came and, for which we will always be immensely grateful, didn’t go.
Until now.
~~~
The story in the paper: Founder of therapeutic equestrian center in Lake Forest was loyal friend, philanthropist
His obituary: Nicholas E.B. Coyne, Libertyville, Illinois, Age 57
Nick Coyne